Last week at the Library (aka my temporary office space), I ran into two young ladies/high school students in the hall. I noted immediately that they were dancing and soon registered that they were attempting Beyonce’s Single Ladies Choreography. (I take every opportunity I can to tell folks I’ve learned the routine. Even if I’m off beat the entire dance) Of course, I couldn’t contain myself and we (I?) initiated a lively conversation about the dance (I invited them to the DC Dance Collective to take Kadriene’s class!) and about life after high school.
I won’t detail our conversation….but yes dancing is opening doors for me and allowing me to connect with people differently than I may have otherwise.
I told the two budding dancers about 12to28 and that I was/am an Education Consultant and that I primarily worked to assist young people with identifying and sorting out what they want to do after high school and offered for them to sit down with me at the library anytime if they wanted to talk about College or other options available to them. (This is in the midst of trying my best to introduce a persuasive (but sensitive argument) that one of the young ladies should go with her heart/interests/passions in choosing a post high school path and not what her Momma wants her to do.)
She’s on the path to making the mistake many of us make when we want to please and make folks proud of us. “I’m taking this step because my Mama, or Parents, or GrandPa, GrandMa, Uncle”…you get the pictures…”wants me to”. And when you ask, “Well, what would ‘YOU” like to do?” First, a blank stare and then the catch-all, ‘Well, that’s the only reason I’m doing it because they want me to.”
But when I dug deeper a barrage of ideas and hopes and dreams came gushing out. Her eyes lit up! Why is she not being encouraged to follow any of those dreams? Because no one in the family has ever done it? There’s no security in it? How will she make a living?…..Perhaps, we don’t know our kids/family/loved ones as much as we think. Maybe stepping outside of the cruel, cold, harsh realities of life and embracing the unconventional… (I know. Better said than done)
I don’t know the young lady well of course or if our dialogue really registered in a significant way. (I pray it did…) A 20 minute chat does not add up to birthing a human. And I know, I know…Why should she listen to me over her Momma? I can only say that I’ve seen enough youth, inside and outside of my family, to know when someone is making a dreadful decision (instantly). You can see it in their eyes…hear it in their voice. I also know from my own life experience that when you make choices that are rooted in another person’s desire the results are rarely never fulfilling to you.
(Note to Post 12to28 Self) I am inspired to create a workshop for Parents titled “How To Help Your Kids Make Decisions, Without Making the Decision for Them” and one for youth titled something like (but much cooler) “It’s Ok To Tell Your Parents No (And How to Do It Nicely). How To Live Your Life and Make Life Decisions on Your Own”.
How many people are living paths their parents set for/encouraged them to do while depressing their full potential and increasingly becoming disabled and unwilling….fearful of stepping out on their own.
If I never see them again. I hope they Dance On….and make decisions based on their love and interest and passion for something. Please….. Live Your Life.
A Dream Deferred by Langston Hughes
What happens to a dream deferred?
Does it dry up
like a raisin in the sun?
Or fester like a sore–
And then run?
Does it stink like rotten meat?
Or crust and sugar over–
like a syrupy sweet?
Maybe it just sags
like a heavy load.
Or does it explode?
